Tuesday, January 25, 2011

"Somewheeeeere under 220...."

Okay, I have a mini-goal to help me along the way. This will be good, since the last few days...let's just leave it at I could have done better. I did something I rarely do the other day, I weighed myself. No surprise I was at exactly what I thought I was. 223. Of course I was wearing all my clothes, shoes, a sweatshirt and holding a breakfast burrito in my hand, but that's not the point. The point is, I have a starting weight.

Next month on the 16th, I am taking my daughter to see The Wizard of Oz musical in San Diego. I have chosen that date as my first mini-goal. I am shooting to lose between 5 and 7 pounds by that date. Not for any particular reason. I have no special outfit I am trying to wear to this thing. Just it is an event with a date and it sounds reasonable enough. 5-7 pounds in 3 weeks. That would bring me down to between 218 and 216. From there it's just a hop, skip and a jump to 200. Then 195. And so on and so forth.

I stayed home from work yesterday, and home seems to be where I do my worst eating. My daughter was sick, so we just stayed on the couch together all day. Today and tomorrow are "dress up" days at work, so I will not be walking during lunch. But to make up for that fact, tonight while my daughter is at her dad's for a few hours I decided to clean my entire bathroom. I am a little concerned about how good of exercise this was because I failed to break a sweat. Of course, I took my time, was wearing a sports bra and cotton pants (sexy visual, huh? Woooooo baby!) and had all the windows open. But still, I guess it's better than sitting on the couch eating cookies. Also, to aid in attaining my mini-goal...I am going to jog on the treadmill this weekend. **insert that doom impending music that goes "da-duh-daaaaaaaaaaaa" **

On a side note, I think I got Pinesol on my skin. My arm feels like it is covered in flesh eating red ants.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Wasted Weekend

Health wise, this entire weekend was a bust. Mostly because I was unprepared and occasionally a little emotional. Friday night at Disneyland was great. We had a blast. There was plenty of traffic on the way up, but my friend and I kept the conversation flowing in the car. Soarin' Over California only had a 20 minute line. Score! We checked out ElecTRONica, but the kids didn't really get it. So we headed over to the other park and went straight to Pirates of the Caribbean, which had a 10 minute line. When we came out, Fantasmic was going on right across the street. But we decided to go ride Winnie the Pooh and then come back for the second show. No line for WTP. Sweet! As we headed back over to the Fantasmic viewing area, the fireworks show "Remember...Dreams Come True" started. So we found a terrific spot to watch them, that also allowed us to slip right into a great spot for Fantasmic. After that, the park was closed so we headed home.
Mickey faces the Dragon in Fantasmic

The next day I had a few things to do. Everything was planned out perfectly. So perfectly that I was quite proud of myself. But then...**insert ominous music** everything went off schedule. The activity that I planned to take my daughter to in the morning, a princess tea party at the Disney Store, was over filled when we arrived, even though we were 15 minutes early. So we had to wait around 90 minutes for the second tea party. Which made me late to a friends baby shower. When I arrived at the baby shower I stayed for about 2 and a half hours, but right as they were about to open presents my daughter woke up from her nap, so I headed home. I didn't want to skip out on her during our weekend together.

Today during the afternoon she started getting a fever. Her nose had been running for days, but now she was getting worse. Tonight she is asleep right behind me, but she keeps crying and shivering. She keeps mumbling things, but I can't understand what she is trying to say, and I honestly don't think she understands either. Earlier we spent the evening on the couch watching "Julie & Julia" (or "the lobster movie" as she calls it) and "Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue". If she's not better by morning I am going to stay home with her. I hate leaving her when she's so sick feeling. Just the last few paragraphs have taken about an hour to write because she keeps having a rough time. :( Poor baby.

This entry didn't talk much about food or exercise because there was virtually no exercise this weekend, and the food I ate...I am too ashamed to admit too right now. On top of everything else, my recent divorce has me a little down this weekend. Valentines Day is coming up, and I truly love it. I have always loved valentines Day, and I don't know why. They were never that great for me. But the idea of an entire day dedicated to love and romance and little pink hearts just sounds too wonderful to be true. I love love. I really am great in a relationship and I am wasted as a single person. I've decided that this Valentines Day my daughter is going to be my sweetheart. Even though she's my sweetheart every day. But I'm planning on picking her up early from school and having a picnic on the beach with her. I called ahead to checked, and was stoked to confirm that pizza places will make you a heart shaped pizza on Valentines Day. Diet or no...you gotta have a little fun sometimes. :o)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

So Far...So Good

Not much to report today. All good news though. Orange and water for breakfast. Another orange for snack. (I'm really feelin' these oranges lately) Took another walk to the beach again, but I forgot to time this one. Another Subway but this time I added the 80 cal chicken soup. Yee ha. For dinner I had a Lean Cuisine french bread pizza. 4 bottles of water today.

I'm feeling positive. Feeling like this is a great idea at the right time and I'm glad that it's at my own pace. It's a good pace for me to start at.

Tomorrow night after work a friend and I are taking our daughters to Disneyland. This can work as a plus...and a negative. The plus is aaaaaaaaaall the walking and carrying kids and lugging of strollers on and off of trams. The negative, the food. I'm not gonna lie. We'll most likely eat at McDonald's on the way up or the way down. So...how do I work this?? Do I eat super lite all day and then get smacked with calories at night and just "work it off" at Disneyland? Or do I just take the hit and move on after that? Or do I not eat anything?? Uuh...the choices are endless. What will I do? Stay tuned.....

The beach treasures I've collected so far.

The sunblock on my desk.

The beach from my office at sunset.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I've been a bad bad girl...

Today has gone down the crapper. But, I am gonna keep my chin up and move forward on a positive foot. It started with breakfast. I was rushing around this morning because it was my daughter's first day of school for the week. So I was making her breakfast and her lunch and trying to make sure we left on time. I wound up eating 3 slices of wheat toast and the crust I cut off of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When I got to work, I had some grapes and carrots with fat free ranch...and a Diet Dr Pepper. Then for lunch our office ordered Rubio's, and I am of the mindset that free food trumps healthier food that I have to pay for. So, I picked the chicken tacos. It came out to around 600 cal. Not sure how much it actually was thought because I did not eat the black beans.

Tonight I was supposed to meet with a college counselor to discuss going to school and financial aid and yadda yadda yadda. So, right as I was leaving work to go meet with her, my mom sends me a text saying when she picked my daughter up from preschool her nose was running, she started to cry and she had had an accident. So, I called the counselor and canceled my appointment and came straight home. She was fine when I got home, so ...oh well. I felt bad that she didn't have a good day though, so I took her to Toys R Us to spend some rewards I had earned. When we were done, before we left she needed to go to the bathroom. I H-A-T-E the bathroom at Toys R Us. It is always a disgusting, filthy poop bomb. So while we're in there, not only is it dirty as usual but the toilet paper dispenser is acting a fool. So I start to get crazy feeling inside because I am trying to hold her up so not much of her touches the toilet and yet grab some paper without dropping her into the water. Also, I was getting hungry. So when we left there, we drove straight into the Burger King parking lot. I was feeling crazy from lack of food and the creepy-nasty bathroom experience. I'm not even going to look up the calories of what I ate.

To make matters worse, I skipped my walk today so that I could leave work early to meet with the counselor lady.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Who's that skinny girl in the mirror?

So, a little less water today. And now, I am sitting here dying of thirst. I started the day with a Trim Spa pill that was recommended by a friend. It was okay. I didn't really get the point. For breakfast I had an orange and a bottle of water. A little while later for a snack I had a banana with a little peanut butter. Lunch was a Subway sandwich, which I went online and calculated to be at approximately 380 calories. Woot! During my 3rd bottle of water for the day I added a little packet of Crystal Lite, fruit punch flavor. It was nummie.

Right after lunch I went for another 40 minute walk down to the beach. I picked a cute seashell this time instead of a rock for my collection. Some time during the morning at work a huge stress ball hit me, and I was dying to go to the snack cabinet and get a piece of chocolate, but somehow I managed to resist. Sweet! I made it through without any chocoloatey goodness.

When I got home, for dinner I had another orange and also a bowl of chicken noodle soup (from a can) and a few saltine crackers. Nothing to drink. While I ate and waited for my daughter to come back from her dad's house, I watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. She came home right as Maid Marion was laving Robin's secret hideaway in Sherwood forest.

After I wrestled her through a shower, the combing and drying of her hair and the brushing of her teeth and began to brush my own teeth, I noticed in the mirror that my face was a tee bit thinner than yesterday. Even since this morning it seemed. That or I had really good lighting going on. My face is usually the first thing about me to get skinny. Which is good. Any pictures from the shoulders up make it seem like I've made oodles of progress.

This was a boring entry, I know. I promise....it will get more exciting. If you know me, hardly a week passes without something funny or dramatic to talk about. But for now, I'm off to bed with my daughter. Gotta catch up on Little Bear and Max & Ruby.

Monday, January 17, 2011

If I drink any more water, I'll float away!

Today I was able to achieve a few goals. I ate less. I drank a ton of water. And I even got to go for a walk before lunch. I was happily surprised that it was a 40 minute walk. I thought it had only been 20. I walked with a friend down to the beach, which luckily is only about 3 blocks away from our office. The fresh air was nice. I got to put my feet in the ocean water, which I love. I also got to add another visual motivator. I've decided that every time I walk to the beach, I'll bring back a small rock and put it in a jar. Just something to show me that I am working towards my goal. I am doing it.

I wrote down everything I ate today. A Cliff Bar for breakfast, a banana with peanut butter for lunch. (How much peanut butter?? Not tellin'. Let's leave it at it was more than a teaspoon, but less than a cup. lol) Then I had another banana later for a snack. That got me to about 4pm and I started to get super hungry. So I reluctantly ate a left over Banquet meal I had in the office freezer. It was 440 calories. But, in the end I figured it was better than the usual bag of Cheetos, 5-7 Cokes, 3 or 4 fun-sized candy bars and handful of Red Vines that I usually snack on during the day. Every little step helps. Baby steps are better than none. I did break down and have a Diet Dr Pepper with the microwave meal. I remembered that during my Jenny Craig time, I stayed alive because of fat free Ranch, Fat Free Croutons and Diet Dr Pepper. The DDP was a "free" food, the fat free croutons and salad dressing were my own "sneaky addition", but it never hurt my weight loss. Since this thing I am starting was a spur of the moment, and begun during a low money pay period, I am a tad bit unprepared to eat proper diety food. So, I made due with what I could. Thankfully our office provides us with fresh fruit each week and also things like oatmeal.

When I left the house this morning, my grandmother was in the kitchen cooking all sorts of greasy goodness that smelled up the entire house. But I managed to walk out the door with no regrets, thinking that I would eat a package of oatmeal once I got to work. Alas, when I got to work we only had the super gross flavors left. So I waited until about 10 am and then ate a Cliff Bar. (240 cal.) Then at 10:50 I left for my forty minute walk and returned to eat a banana with peanut butter. About 2 hours later, feeling hunger creep in, I ate another banana. Then, like I said, at 4pm I had the microwave thing (440 cal.) Oh, and there was a Blow Pop in there somewhere (60 cal.)

When I got home tonight I had what had been cooked for dinner. A tortilla with a few strips of carne asada and some mexican rice. But only one. I would normally have eaten two and added sour cream. Then I had some salad with thousand island dressing. (Sadly, we did not have fat free) And I followed it up with a jello cup (which was a free food on Jenny Craig) I didn't have anything to drink. I can't even think of drinking any more water today. I had 6 bottles of it today, and I must have drank them either too quickly or too close together, because I got a killer headache towards the end of the day and couldn't bare the thought of any more water.

So there you have it. Day one: Not a disaster. And that's good.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Nice to meet you. I'd shake hands, but I'm holding a cheeseburger.

Name: Brandy
Age: 27 days away from turning 32
Parental Status: One daughter
Marital Status: Divorced...as of last week.
Job: Executive Administrative Assistant for a software company
Education: HS Diploma. Currently in talks for going to school to become a nurse.
Dilemma: I am overweight. And I am sick of it.

Post Married - Pre Jenny Craig 180 pounds

As you can see from my stats above, this blog shall follow my previously successful attempts at losing weight. This will be a bigger goal than I have ever had to tackle. In fact, it's not something I have often had to battle in life. I never gained any weight until about a week after I got married back in 2003. We were immediately stationed across the country from "home" in a small little community in Georgia. For about 6 weeks I had no job, no car, no home even. While we waited on housing, we stayed in motels. Six weeks in a motel waiting around all day for your husband to get off work. Sweltering heat outside. No idea where I was in regard to the things around me. My car had not yet arrived. No work to be found. So what did I do? I sat around and watched DVD's and ate microwaved pot pies. All day. Every day. For six weeks. I gained about 15 - 20 pounds. And my husband noticed...to put it mildly. I didn't do much to rid myself of that weight for about 2 years. Then I joined up with Jenny Craig and hired a personal trainer. I lost all the weight, and then some, and got in the best shape of my life. All while my husband was overseas in Iraq. The day he got back, I looked so damn good that he had no choice but to get me pregnant...that very night. 

Post Jenny Craig - Around 140ish
With the beginning of my pregnancy also began the ultimate demise of our marriage. Slowly, I realized that no matter what I did, my husband was no longer in love with me and nothing I did would make him happy. My work suffered. My personal life suffered. I health suffered. I slipped into depression and became an emotional eater. I gained 90 pounds while I was carrying my child. Two weeks after she was born, I had shed 23 pounds of water and baby weight. And that weight is where I have stayed ever since. 

She will be celebrating her 4th birthday this April.

Slowly I learned to love my body as it is. I no longer burst into tears when I look at myself in the mirror. I learned to put a little swagger in my step, despite the size of my ass. (which is gargantuan, by the way)
I oft times have fleeting thoughts of going through the weight loss regime again, but had not yet found a great motivational goal. 

Until today. 

1 Week Before Daughter Was Born - Around 257 lbs
Now I grant you, it may be a silly goal, but it's my goal. It is nothing that will change the world, but it could change my world. I live for my daughter. I swear to God, she is my favorite part of everything that exists. All I do all day is dream up new adventures we can go on, new games to play, think of which stories I want to read her at night or which song I'll sing her to sleep with. Now stick with me, because I am leading up to the goal part here. 

Today I was in Target and I noticed that the sunblock displays are back. I love sunblock. I love how it smells. It smells like summer and swimming pools and the beach and picnics and barbecues. I grabbed a bottle of a random brand and dabbed a little on my arm to test how much I liked the smell. It was delicious and reminded me of going to water parks as a kid. Then I thought of how this summer I'd like to take my daughter to a water park. **Enter Goal** I want to lose weight so I can buy a swimsuit that doesn't look like it belongs to my grandmother and take my child to a water park this summer. And the best part is, I also have a motivational tool!!! Sunblock. Yes. The smell of sunblock. I shall keep a bottle of it on my desk at work. Whenever I need a little encouragement, I'll smell my sunblock and be reminded of my goal. 

At first I am going to start out slowly. I have no health education besides what they taught me at Jenny Craig (5 years ago) and those sorts of books really do not hold my attention. At first I am starting slowly. I have given up soda. Next step is simply to at less. Stop stuffing my face all day long. I am also going to try to go for a walk each day after lunch at work. Just a short walk. No running. Nothing major. Just get my self going. I sit at a computer all day long. When I can make it up a flight of stairs without huffing, I will move on to the next step. Ultimately, in the long term, I would like to get down to between 130-145 pounds. Last time I checked I was somewhere in the 223 range. Now, that ultimate goal will eventually require some professional assistance and some food guidance. Luckily, I have a friend who is a personal trainer who I know I can turn to for advice, and whom I fully intend on hiring to train me...once I can get a little extra money. 

So join me on the quest. The journey to a water slide summer. Can I do it? Yes I can. Will I do it? Stay tuned... 

Current Weight - Around 225