Thursday, June 21, 2012

Don't Swim In the Dating Pool, the Water Is Contaminated.

This single mother rarely dates. In fact, since my baby daddy and I split up four years ago I've only been on three dates and had one 4 month relationship. Two of the dates were more like science experiments gone wrong (see example here) than previews of romance to come, and the relationship budded from someone I was already friends with. I don't really go out looking all that much. I'm still not sure how I feel about spending time away from my daughter to go out in search of someone who may or may not be significant in our lives a few years, or even a few months down the road.  

That being said, it's lonely over here. Lately it hasn't been as bad as it used to be because I've been preoccupied with our move and a getting adjusted to working the night shift, but sometimes when I have five minutes to think about something other than "Holy heat index! It is hotter than Satan's bath water out here", I think of how nice love can be. I am a love bug. I love the idea of love and all the warm and fuzzies it can bring. Not to say that my daughter doesn't provide me with warm and fuzzy love...but it's different. Anyone who's a parent and in love with their spouse knows what I'm talking about. You need the love of your children and the love and support of your partner. That's it. I need a partner. My last one sort of bailed. 

So when my mind starts churning in this direction, it also tends to get curious enough to look and see what is out there, but from the comfort and convenience of my computer screen. And I gotta tell ya, this little patch of the world does not seem to be promising anything but trouble. Here are some examples...

This guy.

He goes by the screen name "Bullet Proof Tiger"
His tagline is "I can't be in love if it's plastic"
His intent says he: "Wants to date but nothing serious"
His interests include: Batman, Zombies and Games
His profile states that he "doesn't like stupid people or drama". Why is this nesessary to include? I am of the mindset that that is a given. Does anyone WANT to find a stupid, drama filled person? It usually just happens that way by accident.

But I didn't need to read that far, because at the top of his profile it states that he does not want children. BUZZ

This guy.
He goes by the screen name "Superbowl1000"
His tagline is "I can't hear you over the sound of me being awesome"
His interests: Cut up Guatemalan hookers and bury them in shallow graves on the interstate.
His profile states that his "poops are on display at the Natural Museum of Fine Arts".
(I wish that I had made all that up, but sadly...)

This guy.
He goes by the screen name "Hopefuleyes"
His tagline is "Hard to catch"
His opening line is "FYI, Prince Charming isn't real. If he is real, he's gay. Good luck with that!"
What the?

This guy.

He goes by the screen name "JeremyWD1980"
Aside from his kind of stupid outfit, his profile actually seemed pretty normal and nice...until you get to the bottom and he goes into some sort of past heartache rant that really should be excluded from a dating profile. This is clearly something that needs to be taken up with your ex in private. (See his rant below)

"Random thoughts on relationships: Why do people feel the need to try to cut you as deep as they can when they decide to let go? I don't feel the need to if you are leaving than what are you still doing here trying to hurt me with words lol. See their words say one thing, but their emotional filled words tell the truth. I refuse to get involved in the name calling and pointing out every bad thing they did while yall were together that you hated. If we didn't choose to work it out then; than whats the point in bringing it up now. besides I know right now I may be a little down on my luck because of my bad choices, but I never been a quitter I am a adapter instead;) This is only a bump in my life and I will overcome this hump and get back on top of the hill again. I am curious who will still be there when I get there too.. Anyways just to let the world know I am like that song if you are out to hurt me:

"So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will"


A few minutes on this website and suddenly, "single" doesn't seem like such bad a choice after all. Still, the lonely can sometimes linger. But I'm starting to fear that out here in the woods I may never find the partner I am looking for. In looking back on my ex-husband, I can see where we were just too different. Although his rugged outdoorsiness was attractive to me and made me feel safe if ever we were to be trapped in the wilderness or if my car had a flat, that same ruggedness came with a very stubborn pride. He was just too country raised to appreciate my flower-child, arts loving Southern California raised mentality. We were, as it turns out, not a good match. So how on Earth, here in the woodsy country, am I to find someone less like him and more like me? While not neglecting my child by serial dating.

Ugh! Forget it.


  1. Brandy I feel you. I really haven't been in a relationship or even really dated since I broke up with Nick after highschool. Then on a stupid night I accidently get pregnant by my best friend, who never really wanted more then friendship from me, but just needed something extra that night. After Xena was born, she was my focus & I couldn't bear the thought of her getting attached to someone who wouldn't be there long term. Now she's 13, her dad is getting married (fortunately no weird feelings between any of the adults, so it's good for Xena), & now I'm starting to think maybe it might be time. So I signed up on a couple of the free sites just to see & it's frightening to see what's out there. Thinking it's just safer to stay by myself. I'm not unhappy & most of the time I am happy I'm single. But there are those times that I wish...

    I know what you are looking for is out there & you will find each other. Just know that until that day, you are not alone!

  2. Brandy,
    You have so much love and spirit all in yourself. I love you just have fun attitude. Rock it out girl, as I know only you can. It is more than evident that you are enough for Lily, she is amazing!
    Don't stress about finding one to love, you already have Lily and yourself, and your amazing family.
    Love will come along when you least expect it.

  3. I believe someone as wonderful as you will find the person you were meant to be with, and it will happen organically.