Monday, September 5, 2011

It's Okay To Be Bipolar

I don't have much life energy to pour great wit and much playful banter into a blog tonight. but we'll do a short recap. In four more night nights I'll be getting my Zumba fitness instructor certification. Me! My out of shape, huffin and puffin ass will be leading others in the health charge.

This holiday weekend started at 1:30pm when my boss was kind enough to let us all go home early for the weekend. So I picked up my daughter and took her to see Spy Kids 4D. (and the smell cards don't work, btw. And thank God, because who wants to smell stinky diaper and dog fart? Who the hell...?) We met up with some friends at the movie who came over to play after it was over. We were up ALL night playing. The next day was a day of shopping and errands, and again our friends came over to play. And again we partied all night long. On Sunday ...I honestly can't even remember Sunday I'm so tired. But I do know I was awake until well after 2 in the morning. Which brought me to today. And a 9:30am Zumba class.

Normally I take Zumba 3 times a week. Mon/Wed/Fri. But because of this Labor day weekend, my normal gym was closed on Friday AND Monday. Well that just wouldn't do. Not with this all day certification class coming up. I need all the practice I can get. My original plan was to do some sort of at home cardio over the weekend, but if history tells us anything it's that home + cardio + me = not happening. So this morning, more tired than I've been in a long time, but also motivated out of my mind, I rolled out of bed and into my car and drove to my local 24 Hour Fitness with a "try it free" pass in my hand and waited for Zumba to begin.

Here comes the bipolar part.

During class I was doing my best. As best as I could muster with my exhausted body and mind. I even over did it during one song. I was feeling wonderful when I noticed that it doesn't hurt as much to jump anymore. A few weeks ago, jumping up and down incorporated all sorts of unpleasant things and very quickly exhausted me. Well today it didn't, and I noticed. There was a lot of jumping in this song and I was doing it all. About 2 minutes later I stopped dead. I felt like I was going to faint. I realized that I had bitten off more than I could chew with this one. After a moment I regained composure and started dancing again. I shook it off and kept going. But fear set in. What if I can't make it through this certification class on Friday? Oh my God what was I thinking getting into this so quickly. I am so extremely out of shape. I wont even be able to lead an hour class for MONTHS. All I can probably muster for now is to lead a few songs under someone else's class. When will it get better? I shouldn't have signed up for this. 

But then, once the class was over and I had made it through, my faith renewed. I will do this. Then something else. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm telling you, I know my body. But as I was sitting the car on the way home, I lifted my arms to grab the wheel and it felt like my arms were lighter than they had been an hour ago. I fit in my chair differently than I had on the way to class. Whoa! What? I was driving home and my face felt like it was glowing. Like it was radiating warmth and sunshine and it felt open and good, like air was passing through my pores and in general I felt like a golden pink color. What a wonderful thing this journey I am on is giving me. I can feel the journey happening all around me. Now maybe I'm just a little tired and over worked, because I don't think my words are making much sense right now. But I feel high as a kite. Sometimes right before class I feel intimidated and nervous, but I come out the other side feeling like I have just slayed a dragon.

So here I am, nervous and intimidated and afraid...and slaying dragons 3 times a week.

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