Long Time No Blog

 

Sorry!! I think about you every day, really I do. I just didn’t have time to organize my thoughts. I still don’t really have anything organized. Just gonna put my fingers to the keys and see what comes out.

So, the thing I said I couldn’t write about…I still can’t write about out of respect of privacy for the other party involved. One day soon, I’ll be able to get it out, but for now I’m just crossing my fingers. But trust me, I had a good reason to stop my diet and stop writing. But those reasons are gone now and I’ve just been plain lazy.

So, starting fresh. Last week I signed up with Weight Watchers. *insert victory music* Trying to be budget conscious I decided to go with the online program as opposed to the one where you can attend meetings. It’s about $30 a month cheaper this way. (win!) Although this may prove to be a mistake because I have no idea what the hell I am doing and W.W. has one hell of a website to navigate. Although I joined last week, I didn’t start following the program until yesterday. To make it easy on myself in the beginning I am going to just buy the Smart Ones meals that have the WW pointsplus numbers written on them. Taa daa. Easy enough for now. At least to get started with.

Upon signing up, I tipped the scales at 232 pounds. There it is. Out there for the world to see. But it doesn’t matter, because by the time you read this I will already be a little skinnier. So there.

I’m sorry to leave you with such a stunted update, but I’m hungry enough to eat my own face right now so I better go get a snack.

See you around soon.

~Future Skinny Bitch~

Did a double take when I was washing my face tonight. Looked in the mirror and almost didn't recognize myself.  It's been 2 days of Weight Watchers and I noticed my face a few ounces thinner. LOL!! I'm being serious. I have a great eye for kooky details like that. (not so much when it comes to spotting type-o's though) I notice every time a male co-worker gets a hair cut or takes his sideburns up a 1/4 inch.  So I noticed my face a bit skinnier tonight. My face is always the first thing to show weight loss. So this is a minor win for tonight. It's the little things that can keep you going. My first BIG win will be when someone (who doesn't read this) says to me "Have you lost weight?" UH! I'll be dancing on the ceiling when that happens.

The next two days are going to be stressed packed for me. My daughters 4th birthday party is this Saturday and I am terrified that I wont get everything done in time. Decorations, food, snacks, dessert table, goodie bags, activities, music, balloons....good Lord, have mercy and give me swift feet, steady hands and nerves of steel.

There Is No Cure for Hope

So not much to report. Well actually, I have a ton to report BUT...I am not at liberty to speak of it yet. grrrrr. It's frustrating I know. So, since I can't blog about health stuff, I'll blog on "other".

Today I had a photo shoot with my daughter, mother and grandmother. The 4 generation photo shoot we've been talking about since we found out I was having a girl. It was funny how random it turned out. None of us wore matching outfits. It was kind of last minute. My daughter actually wore a Wizard of Oz style Dorothy dress. We took some of just her in that costume because my grandmother had just made it for her so last week when we went to see The Wizard of Oz in San Diego. I'm excited to see how the pictures come out.

I've been a little down lately regarding my health and my dating status, both of which are stagnant at best. But ever the optimist, I am always filled with hope. Even though sometimes hope can get pushed way down in deep corners where it is hard to find and sometimes hard to detect, I believe it is always there. In everyone. So I guess that will be my motivational theme this week for you all. Even I, 90+ pounds over weight and single for quite some time with no sign of a worthwhile prospect on the horizon, can have hope. Hope drives me like a stolen car. Hope keeps me moving and getting out of bed every morning. Hope keeps me smiling and joking and living. Hope is in each of us. The best part of hope is that it is resilient. Like herpes. Even though sometimes you may think it is gone and you haven't heard from it in a while, it can flare up inside of you when you least expect it.

Yes. Hope is like herpes.

Oh my Zumba!

I was possessed yesterday. Possessed by the ghost of my former self. The self with boundless energy that stemmed from not only a passion for living, but a 90 pound thinner frame. For months now I have wanted to try Zumba. An exercise class that I had always described as Jazzercise being taught by Ricky Martin. Yesterday I got an opportunity to try it for free at a place called Team Quest in Oceanside, where a friend of mine was a guest instructor. I was SO JAZZED about this that I forgot myself. Forgot I was overweight. Forgot I was out of shape. I forgot it all. All I could focus on was how excited I was and how much this was going to rock!!

On the drive to the class, I was blasting music in my car and dancing in my seat. When we walked inside, I immediately began to dance. And strut. And pop and lock. And shake my booty. And do body rolls. And this was all while we were signing in!!

We walk over in front of the mirrors. Now I really take off. I'm pacing back and forth. Singing. Clapping my hands. Doing the thing where you extend both hands down in front of you, palms extended and jump up and down while sticking your butt out. You know what I'm talking about? Have I mentioned that at this point the class had still not started and there was no music playing? ...yeah.

Now it is finally time for business. The music starts. The students line up. We face the mirror and we take our first steps and swivel our first hips. I am going all out. Hitting every move. In my head I'm thinking "Ye-uh! Ye-uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Get it! Get it! Get it get it get it get it!" Any TruBlood fans out there? Remember that scene right after Eric lets Lafayette drink his blood, and he feels so good that he starts running around humping the couch and freaking the fireplace saying "I feel like !@#ing dancing!" ? That was me.

Then half way through the opening song...all that hot mess caught up with my fat ass. Suddenly there was an elephant on my chest and I could not take deep breaths. Suddenly I noticed the sweat poring down my face. Suddenly I felt like I had taken a package of NyQuil and all the good sleep part of the drug was hitting. Suddenly my inner monologue sounded more like "Oh my sweet lord. What the hell were you thinking? You are fat and out of shape. You aint worked out in over a year! Lord make the pain end!" ...and then the first song ended. 

About half way through the class, a terrible pain took over the left side of my back. Oh dear God. Am I so out of shape that I just threw my back out doing aerobics?? What in God's name? I could hardly stand up all the way. My movements got slower and less precise. I couldn't even recall which movement had caused this disaster to impend upon me. Half an hour later on the drive home I figured out it was just gas. REALLY?! Are you even kidding me? Taken out by a blocked fart?? (God I'm gross. Whatever. It's a blog baby, and I'm not holding back. You want the good the bad and the ugly? You come sit next to me. But not too close, because apparently Zumba makes me want to fart.)

So suddenly (but not suddenly enough) the class is over. Thank you Jesus...I'm not dead. But I am hot. And sweaty. And my word do I stink! Whatever I did, must have worked. I was standing in a pool of my own sweat, back hurting and smelling like a gym locker. On our way out of the class I see a scale and step on it.

Oh what the hell? I gained 4 pounds?!?

Where's that damn reset button??

...because I need to hit it.

"Somewheeeeere under 220...."

Okay, I have a mini-goal to help me along the way. This will be good, since the last few days...let's just leave it at I could have done better. I did something I rarely do the other day, I weighed myself. No surprise I was at exactly what I thought I was. 223. Of course I was wearing all my clothes, shoes, a sweatshirt and holding a breakfast burrito in my hand, but that's not the point. The point is, I have a starting weight.

Next month on the 16th, I am taking my daughter to see The Wizard of Oz musical in San Diego. I have chosen that date as my first mini-goal. I am shooting to lose between 5 and 7 pounds by that date. Not for any particular reason. I have no special outfit I am trying to wear to this thing. Just it is an event with a date and it sounds reasonable enough. 5-7 pounds in 3 weeks. That would bring me down to between 218 and 216. From there it's just a hop, skip and a jump to 200. Then 195. And so on and so forth.

I stayed home from work yesterday, and home seems to be where I do my worst eating. My daughter was sick, so we just stayed on the couch together all day. Today and tomorrow are "dress up" days at work, so I will not be walking during lunch. But to make up for that fact, tonight while my daughter is at her dad's for a few hours I decided to clean my entire bathroom. I am a little concerned about how good of exercise this was because I failed to break a sweat. Of course, I took my time, was wearing a sports bra and cotton pants (sexy visual, huh? Woooooo baby!) and had all the windows open. But still, I guess it's better than sitting on the couch eating cookies. Also, to aid in attaining my mini-goal...I am going to jog on the treadmill this weekend. **insert that doom impending music that goes "da-duh-daaaaaaaaaaaa" **

On a side note, I think I got Pinesol on my skin. My arm feels like it is covered in flesh eating red ants.

http://www.broadwaysd.com/thewizardofoz.php

Wasted Weekend

Health wise, this entire weekend was a bust. Mostly because I was unprepared and occasionally a little emotional. Friday night at Disneyland was great. We had a blast. There was plenty of traffic on the way up, but my friend and I kept the conversation flowing in the car. Soarin' Over California only had a 20 minute line. Score! We checked out ElecTRONica, but the kids didn't really get it. So we headed over to the other park and went straight to Pirates of the Caribbean, which had a 10 minute line. When we came out, Fantasmic was going on right across the street. But we decided to go ride Winnie the Pooh and then come back for the second show. No line for WTP. Sweet! As we headed back over to the Fantasmic viewing area, the fireworks show "Remember...Dreams Come True" started. So we found a terrific spot to watch them, that also allowed us to slip right into a great spot for Fantasmic. After that, the park was closed so we headed home.

Mickey faces the Dragon in Fantasmic

The next day I had a few things to do. Everything was planned out perfectly. So perfectly that I was quite proud of myself. But then...**insert ominous music** everything went off schedule. The activity that I planned to take my daughter to in the morning, a princess tea party at the Disney Store, was over filled when we arrived, even though we were 15 minutes early. So we had to wait around 90 minutes for the second tea party. Which made me late to a friends baby shower. When I arrived at the baby shower I stayed for about 2 and a half hours, but right as they were about to open presents my daughter woke up from her nap, so I headed home. I didn't want to skip out on her during our weekend together.

Today during the afternoon she started getting a fever. Her nose had been running for days, but now she was getting worse. Tonight she is asleep right behind me, but she keeps crying and shivering. She keeps mumbling things, but I can't understand what she is trying to say, and I honestly don't think she understands either. Earlier we spent the evening on the couch watching "Julie & Julia" (or "the lobster movie" as she calls it) and "Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue". If she's not better by morning I am going to stay home with her. I hate leaving her when she's so sick feeling. Just the last few paragraphs have taken about an hour to write because she keeps having a rough time. :( Poor baby.

This entry didn't talk much about food or exercise because there was virtually no exercise this weekend, and the food I ate...I am too ashamed to admit too right now. On top of everything else, my recent divorce has me a little down this weekend. Valentines Day is coming up, and I truly love it. I have always loved valentines Day, and I don't know why. They were never that great for me. But the idea of an entire day dedicated to love and romance and little pink hearts just sounds too wonderful to be true. I love love. I really am great in a relationship and I am wasted as a single person. I've decided that this Valentines Day my daughter is going to be my sweetheart. Even though she's my sweetheart every day. But I'm planning on picking her up early from school and having a picnic on the beach with her. I called ahead to checked, and was stoked to confirm that pizza places will make you a heart shaped pizza on Valentines Day. Diet or no...you gotta have a little fun sometimes. :o)